When life has you reflecting, And you're stuck in a moment...


Thinking back to those times sometimes makes me wonder....


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Photo by @photogal21476 (instagram)

The Cold Hard Truth
I was in love once you know.  I was young, vibrant, full of passion, and fierce loyalty.  Ready and excited for marriage, you know like every young girl dreams of.  The house. The family. The husband. The future- the hopes and dreams of it. Excited wasn't even the word, more like determined to make life work even unto the utmost.  To make a husband the king of his castle. For him to rule and reign with honesty and integrity with me behind him all the way.  To have respectful children that just make the neighbors say "Oooo little Baby (insert name here) is just a gem and so respectful!" Isn't that what all women want? I thought to myself. I mean, Love seemed so attainable and real in all the Disney movies I watched as a child, that I just knew that's exactly how it would be when I was an adult, right? 

It's what I wanted... and I was going to do whatever it took to make that dream a reality...
Only to find out...
It's not always about me or what I want. Love in the Disney movies is very different than the love here in the real world. 
That was a hard lesson to learn.  
Probably one of the most difficult lessons of my life.  One that my generation, yes us millennials, need to hear the most.  We need a real dose of 'wake up call' and 'grow some blank words' when it comes to this matter. 

You see, there's this thing called the other person in that fantasy as well.  When fantasy becomes a reality,
Junk gets real. The word "I" no longer counts.
I never knew that relationships weren't all rainbows and butterflies and cotton candy and soda pop.  I was crushed to find out this reality as a teenager. Even more so after I had my son.  There are words said over and over again that can slice to the very core.  There are disagreements that can crack the very foundation that we stand together on.  There are times you will look at each other and want to run away forever. Trust me friends, you will get to the make it or break it point in your relationship or marriage.  That is when your love is tested the most. Is it as unconditional as you say it is? 

The Truth Is...
You are going to war. 
You WILL have to fight for your marriage.  
Can you fight for it ?  Or more like it, WILL you fight for it?  How long will you put up with his or her stuff before it becomes too much?  Let me ask again is your love unconditional like you say it is? 


"Sheesh Kenz, 
This is heavy. "

Yes, sometimes the truth can be.  But it doesn't have to stay that way.  There is hope in all of this.  Having a successful relationship means tons of grace, compassion and loads and loads of communication to work out the kinks.  Forgiving each other even when you want to hold all the hurt they have caused you against them. Always putting the family above one's own self or own interests (yes your husband too), something that is completely opposite of what we are taught in today's society.  We are taught to always remain 'positive' and always have 'good vibes'. -There goes those rainbows and soda pops again- That makes us avoid what actually needs to be confronted.  The truth.   

Ladies, the truth is...
You have to know what you are getting into before you marry someone.  We have to stop this unrealistic thinking that our significant other is suppose to perform how we expect or we are going to punish him or throw him out like yesterday's garbage, ie. "Make us happy."  Divorce is devastating.  Our society is so broken from it and our kids are majorly affected by it.  It's extremely sad to see where our society has declined to over the past 50 years.  A good relationship is hard work. Not because it is not worth it, but because it is.  You've heard the saying:
"Nothing worth having comes easy."--Theodore Roosevelt
Or as my boss says,(who has been happily married for many years to his wonderful wife)
"When people don't have that kind of commitment,they don't have that kind of reward."-- Dominic Tam 

So before you say "I do", make sure you really really do.



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